I recently read another entertaining, yet interesting article on Thought Catalog. The title of this particular piece was called How To Become The Person You Want To Be. Still being a twenty something, how could I not read this?
Let me just say that I really like this website because I find a lot of writers, similar to myself, who write in a style that is close to streams of consciousness. Although it might not be the easiest to read or understand for some, everything makes perfect sense to moi. Secondly, the material is raw, as being submitted by basically anyone, which has its cons for sure but also is a pro in the way that the material isn’t edited to meet anyone else’s standards. Enter this piece of writing:
“This is how someone becomes the person they want to be. They make changes. They stop taking those pills, clutching those drinks, and start deleting those numbers in their phone that might as well be daggers. They take responsibility for themselves. This might sound so minor but something you all must know by now is that we’re often our own worst enemy. We can’t blame something on a lack of self-awareness. We’re all aware, which makes it that much harder when we see ourselves making the same mistakes. We often wonder why we do the things we do. But we already know why. Knowing and doing are two different things though. I know that x, y, and z make me unhappy but I guess, in the end, I just don’t care enough to make changes. You can’t force yourself to care. You need to reach a point where you DO care which can take a long time.”
Yes, Ryan O’Connell (author), it does take a long time. For me, not including the lost years where I didn’t think about the future too much, it took about a year to firmly plant my two feet back onto the ground. And now, now I am ready to run – or maybe jog, or walk briskly since I’m not a runner. My last post on here was about how I might, just might, have a problem with drinking (even now I won’t say drinking problem). I was not getting wasted every day and I wasn’t choosing booze over say, my spouse. I was never an alcoholic. But I was looking to relieve stress in a glass of wine and I was enjoying a whole bottle to myself while watching Mad Men re-runs a little too often. Maybe it wasn’t the habit as so much as what the habit caused, my drunken train of thought, that really made me snap out of it. It is about a month after posting those words that I rarely have even had a glass of wine with dinner, not to say I won’t ever be enjoying said beverages again or probably won’t get a little tipsy here and there. But the big change is that I no longer feel confused or conflicted. I have accepted my reality of being married, living in California, being graduated from college (finally got the degree in the mail, woohoo!) and the fact that I just might like children and will have some eventually.
Probably the most life changing (other than those minor changes – ha) is that I have found a focus. Not a focus on my marriage, my husband, my dog, my family or anyone else/thing but a focus on myself. I supported and watched my husband accomplish one of his dreams of being in law enforcement and now I believe it is my turn. I love dance and I love video. I have had amazing supporters, mentors, teachers and guides who put their faith in me and helped me get to where I am now. With that said, I applied to two summer dance festivals for internships. You would think an internship is only for those in college who need that credit but for me, I need an opportunity to not only learn more about my new found career choice but also an environment that will help me flourish. And it has been my honor to accept a video documentation internship at Jacob’s Pillow Summer Dance Festival 2012. Anyone who is in the dance field knows how important this is and if you don’t, Google it. Although I have had so much support in the past and have had so many other opportunities, this specific one really hit hard with me. It is incredible that I was even selected and more so that I am finally seeing a future for myself specifically happening. All I can say is hard work eventually pays off and staying true to yourself and what you love is key. I am so thankful I didn’t have to work the boring 8 to 5 that I hated and I get to be one of those people who will be doing what they are passionate about.
It’s about time I have my feet back on the ground and my head is finally clear and free of all that confusing garbage that was only hindering me. And this time, it will stick. Cheers to becoming the person you want to be.